As a couples counselor, I have seen many couples struggle in their marriages. They may feel disconnected, resentful, or stuck in a cycle of conflict. Sometimes walking away feels easier or safer, but I believe that fighting for your marriage is worth it. Here are some reasons why:
Commitment: Marriage is a commitment that you made to your partner, and to yourself. By fighting for your marriage, you are honoring that commitment and showing your partner that you are willing to work through challenges together. I also believe the commitment you made did not mean you wouldn't face relationship challenges and trials. I like to ask my couples to reflect on what commitment meant to them at the beginning and what it means now as well as what it means for them to honor their commitments.
Growth: Marriage can be a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery. By working through challenges with your partner, you may gain insights into your own patterns of behavior and ways that you can improve as a person. As a married person myself, I am often focused on what my husband needs to do to grow and change, but I can learn a lot about myself when I explore why I feel he needs to grow and change and even ask him what he thinks I need to grow and change.
Children: If you have children, fighting for your marriage can be especially important. Children thrive in stable and loving environments, and divorce can be disruptive and traumatic for them. By working to improve your marriage, you are creating a better environment for your children to grow up in. I will also say that this is not 100% fact. Every relationship is different and some couples should not stay married for the sake of their children. In fact, sometimes it is even healthier for the children if the parents are not married. This is a case-by-case basis and I will explore what is healthy and right from all angles in the work we do together.
Fulfillment: Marriage can bring a sense of fulfillment and purpose to your life. By fighting for your marriage and working to improve your relationship with your partner, you may experience greater satisfaction and happiness in your life overall.
Love: Ultimately, the reason to fight for your marriage is love. Love is what brought you together in the first place, and it can be what keeps you together through tough times. By committing to working on your marriage, you are showing your partner that you love them and that they are important to you.
Of course, fighting for your marriage is not always easy. It requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to be vulnerable and honest with your partner. It may also require the help of a couples therapist to guide you through the process. But I believe that the rewards are worth it. By fighting for your marriage, you are investing in a relationship that can bring you joy, fulfillment, and love for many years to come.