Why do things get worse before they get better in couples counseling?

I get this question a lot in the work I do.

Couples come in ready to change their relationship, looking for a magical solution, and when it doesn’t happen by the end of our first call they are disappointed.

In the first few calls together, we spend time unpacking and unraveling all the challenges, dynamics, and issues you have together.

We pull out a flashlight and shine it on all the problems you have been avoiding.

We take a look in the basement of all the things you hid away because they were too hard to deal with.

We head into the attic to see what else you stuffed away and didn't tell your partner about.

Committing to change your relationship, grow it or make it better means we have to identify what needs to change first.

This part takes time. If we rush it, we might miss something incredibly important.

Sustainable change does not happen overnight which means we need to take our time together in the beginning.

Growth and change will come if you can learn to trust the process.