When life hits you hard, it knocks you off your feet, kicks the wind out of you, and then repeats the process all over again.
I was spiraling down the first time I walked into a therapy office. I actually did not even realize I had gotten to a place where I needed serious help.
I began therapy for the first time due to depression sweeping over me. A parent had lost their job that connected our family story. We, my family, were enveloped into my father’s career and it included a place I called home. When his dream was taken away from him, it left all of us with a mixture of emotions. Anger, sadness, surprise, confusion, fear, you name it. We were feeling it all.
I chose to see the positive. I chose to believe something better was around the corner and chose to be the family member who stayed in the corner waiting for the good to come. In the midst of the waiting, I lost hope. I lost faith and I lost trust. I was in a leadership role leading others and I felt so lost.
“How do you lead when you are wandering around looking for guidance?”
I was quitting and giving up. Luckily for me, I had a friend who was watching all of this go down and waiting for the moment to kindly suggest I connect with someone who might be able to help me. She helped me fill out the paperwork and I finally received counseling for the deep depression I was in.
Walking into that therapy office was so scary. I knew I wanted to be a therapist at the time but I never thought I myself would need therapy. As I waited for my therapist to come out and greet me, I thought about getting up and leaving multiple times. No one would have to know I had walked into this space to get help.
My therapist came out before I could sneak away. She was kind and gentle. She gave me space to talk and cry. It was so hard to let a complete stranger hold my story and all the pain I had been walking around with, but it felt so nice to speak the hurt I had been feeling.
For a few weeks, I returned to that space to process the hurt, the confusion, and the shame. And it was great for a while until she fell asleep on me. I watched her eyes flutter shut as I talked about the hurt, the confusion, and the shame. I stopped talking to see if she would wake up and she did a few moments later, but it was enough for me to know that this was not a good fit.
I wish this was the only story about not matching up with a therapist well. I’ve sat with a few different therapist’s and not felt a connection. It taught me how important it is to find someone you connect with.
Beginning therapy is a courageous decision in itself, but choosing to try multiple therapist’s until you find that one who can help you with the goals you have is daring.
You have the right to find a therapist that meets what you are looking for. Whether it be pricing, age, focus area, or personality, you deserve to meet with someone you feel comfortable with and believe will accomplish your goals.
Take your time. We will be ready when you are.
