Simple answer: It is not your job to stop your husband’s anger.
Anger is a natural human emotion. We need to be able to feel it and allow our husbands to feel it as well.
Your job is to normalize that it’s okay to be angry and to encourage your husband to take time to feel his emotion and process it.
If you are in the middle of a conversation and the anger spikes, take a break, go and self-soother and return back to the conversation when your emotions are calm.
I do want to preface that not all anger in a relationship is healthy.
I spent two years working with domestic violence survivors and children survivors of domestic abuse.
Anger that is taken out on you, your children, the animals, and others is not healthy anger. It is abusive.
If your husband is taking his anger out on you or you are taking your anger out on him, you need to stop the conversation immediately.
It is your husband’s responsibility to manage his anger, not yours. It is your responsibility to manage your anger, not his.
The healthy action is to respect these boundaries and do what is necessary to manage your emotions and not project them or take them out on others.
To begin to create space for anger to be allowed as an emotion, try to learn what it looks like for you to feel angry and for your husband to feel angry.
Ask what he needs in these moments and explore what you need in these moments.
Implement those needs that next time you find yourself angry or encourage your husband to implement his.