In my line of work, the holiday season can pull up a lot for the couples I work with and even for myself. We spent time last year sharing some valuable blog posts on how to stay connected through the season and why many couples seek therapy at the beginning of the year together. I thought this year I could share what I do myself to help find more joy versus stress in the Holidays.
If you'd like to check out the blogs from last year, click below.
The areas I find the most challenging through November and December are centered around time, money, and experience.
Time
We are one of the lucky set of parents who welcomed a child two days after Christmas. It has been a trial and error practice for us to figure out how to celebrate Christmas and then her birthday two days later without it being an overwhelming amount of gifts as. We are also faced with how to make her day of birth stand out amid so many experiences and events that can be filled through November. I spent last year stressing about finding the perfect date for a birthday party that would work for all her friends and this year I have decided we will choose a date that works best for us and hope others and attend and make the best with what we've got. I think this can translate to any event that happens during this time of year. You have to be flexible, and adaptable and pivot as needed. The way you engage and show up is more important than everything being in order and perfect.
I have also begun planning for the calendar of events and for planning all the things without stressing about the time limit. I am the family member who texts the whole family at the beginning of November for gift lists to accommodate plenty of time for shopping. I even mapped out my daughter's birthday party plan in September so that I could have a general idea and understanding of what needs to be planned. It is 100% okay to work in advance if that works for you. The other benefit of doing this is that I can then ask for support or divvy up tasks with my husband so that I don't feel like the weight is all on me to make the holiday season magical. I ask for help and name what I need even though I am miss independent and can struggle with this.
Money
Finances always stress me out due to my upbringing and due to the fact my husband and I feel differently about how we spend money which is common in many marriages. Something I am introducing this year is sitting down with him and making a plan together on our holiday budget so that there is no resentment or regret that we've experienced in previous years.
I am also releasing the idea that gifts must be brand new and seeking out gift ideas that have been gently used in the community as well as always looking for deals. My mom would shop all year for Christmas and I hope to introduce this into how we go about managing the financial stress that can come with the holidays.
As a family, we are also going through the house to find our own gently used items we can sell or even share with friends who may be seeking them for their own family gifts to help with the financial support of our community.
In addition to how we are budgeting, saving, and finding money, a tradition we started a few years ago is handing out 10 Holiday cards where we write an encouraging message and put $10 in each envelope. I love this tradition because it feels like spreading holiday cheer. My dream is to put $100 in each envelope in the future, but this is what is manageable with our budget right now. This idea came from Chalene Johnson.
Experiences
Another area I am implementing with my husband this year is discussing in advance what is more important to us for the holiday season so that we can prioritize accordingly and release the events that are not as important in this season of life.
We also integrate this by exploring gift ideas that can be focused on experiences together and memory-making as that is what makes it feel like the holiday season. We are lucky that my parents can join us this year which is not the norm and we have created more opportunities to have family time together since it is not an every-year experience.
I am a maximizer by nature and I want to do all the things so my husband helps me a lot with this area because I tend to fill the calendar. He is great at reminding me that rest and chill time is as important as fun and new experiences. We end up balancing each other well here and its so needed for me during this time of year because I will go hard until I cannot and then I miss out on other experiences we wanted to have and create together.
I am curious how you navigate the holiday season as a couple. What works well? What has not worked? What would you advise others to try?
Commentaires