When To Go To Couples Therapy

Many people believe going to couples therapy is only necessary when you are facing a difficult challenge together and you find yourself stuck. Or worst case, divorce is looming, and it’s a last chance, Hail Mary effort. If you are struggling or facing divorce, then couples therapy should be considered for your relationship. Couples therapy should also be considered when you are seeking to grow stronger in your relationship, you are facing a challenge that is not too intense, but you want to get ahead of it, and as a preventative measure. Similar to our physical health, annual wellness visits are encouraged to stay on top of it, AND this applies to your relationship health. Let’s break down the benefits of these categories and the signs that signal it’s time to go to couples therapy. 

Facing a Difficult Challenge and Feeling Stuck

Some of the common reasons you may decide it’s time to go to couples therapy are:

• Deciding whether to have kids or not

• Should we get married?

• Navigating Finances

• Parenting differences/caregiving differences

• Intimacy Desires and Preferences

• Communication Breakdowns

• Here We Go Again Conflicts

There are more than just the above, but this can get you thinking about what falls into this category.

Couples go to therapy during these issues because they feel stuck on how to move forward, or they find that the way they have decided to solve the issue is not truly resolving it. 

What many couples find beneficial when they go to therapy for these issues is that the couples therapist is a third party who can help translate what each feels and needs. The couples therapist helps show how to listen deeper to one another, reflect what is being said and needed, and then can help facilitate compromise or movement forward. Couples can do this on their own, AND it is an area most couples can find tricky throughout their relationship. Certain topics are easier to do this than others, and when they hit a sticky area, the couples therapist can create the space to get unstuck and back into connection together. 

Some of the topics mentioned above also have deep emotions tied up in them. Couples can get stuck on the logical part of solving the issues and miss the importance of understanding the emotional experience and process. If you could logic your way out of it, then you would not need a couple's therapist's support. Most of the time, though, when you find yourself stuck in an area in your relationship, it is typically a sign that you are missing the emotional process and need to pursue understanding that piece more. A couples therapist will help you move from the surface level of the conversation to the emotional level to help get you unstuck. 

On the Brink of Divorce

Typically, this is the most clear time to go to couples therapy. When you get to a place of questionning whether divorce would be better than being married, it is time to get support to shift the patterns of hurt and pain that are occurring in your relationship. Believe it or not you can come back from thinking divorce would be better to a place of deep connection with your partner. It takes time to rebuild and heal and it is possible when both partners are willing to take accountability, offer compassion towards each other, and decide to draw a line in the sand on the “old them” to create a “new them.” 

Seeking to Grow Stronger/Preventative Couples Therapy

Let me be clear that this is the ideal time to go to couples therapy. Yes, you should definitely go to couples therapy if you are struggling or on the brink of divorce AND going to couples therapy as preventative work can be incredibly helpful. When you are not wrapped up in distrust, pain, hurt, contempt, etc you are more open to growing, learning and evolving. You tend to be willing to look at yourself and your partner in the relationship instead of pointing fingers at what is your partners fault or blame in the dynamic. 

It is much easier to grow from a place of openness and willingness than a place of guardedness and contemplation. 

Couples therapy is for everyone. Couples therapy is not only for the times of pain and hurt. It is also for the times of growth, evolution and a desire to change. It is time for us to all be apart of changing the narrative on couples therapy and who it is for and who it is not for. It is for all! I say that being a couples therapist who was in a place of deep challenging and going to couples therapy. I say that being a couples therapist who has been deeply connected with her partner and going to couples therapy to simply grow more together. And I say it as a couples therapist who went to couples therapy when she was questioning if the grass was greener on the other side. Couples therapy does not have the right or perfect time–the time to go is when you need it and/or can benefit from it.

Not certain if couples therapy is right for you? Schedule a free consult with one of our team members to learn more! Email admin@connectedcouplescounseling.com