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Couples Therapy Success: The Key to Progress Lies Beyond the Sessions

Why do many couples end up working with multiple therapists in their relationship history? I often hear it is because the therapist was not the right fit. My hot take is that it is not always because the therapist is not the right fit. I think it can be more often that the couple is not applying what they learn outside of the session OR they are not learning what they need to change their dynamics outside of the session.

While it is sometimes because the couples therapist is not the right fit personality-wise, education-wise, or temperament-wise, I do not think that is the most common reason people work with numerous couples therapists.

Couples Therapy Success relies on implementing what you learn in session outside of the session. Progress happens in the therapy office and outside of the office. When you are in session with your couples therapists, the goal to help facilitate change is to integrate new communication, conflict, and connection skills. To explore what from our past impacts our ability to develop secure and healthy relationships. To learn what each partner can do to work on themselves and have that work impact their relationship positively.

So to find the right couples therapist to help assist your growth and change, as a couple you need to know what helps you grow and change. What type of person has helped you work on yourself and assist with cultivating change for yourself? How do you learn and does the therapist facilitate a learning environment in that way? What helps you develop trust with someone who is working with you towards change? These types of questions can help you find a good fit couples therapist.

In addition to those questions, I would also encourage you to reflect on where you are at with a willingness to change. Are you in a place where you are willing to work on yourself? Are you open to change and growth to positively impact your relationship? What is it that you need to step into developing something new with your partner?

Occasionally we need to do our individual therapy work before we start couples counseling. There is no shame in this. It is very healthy to work on yourself first to help facilitate relationship change. Couples Therapy is focused on helping both partners become the best version of themselves so that they can have the best version of their relationship. It is self-work and relationship work.

If you have been stuck in your couple's work or struggling to find the right couples therapy, I highly recommend engaging in the reflection questions above to help sort out what is needed to step into an environment of change with your partner.

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