Conflicts that get stuck focus on the subjective reality. Conflicts that heal and repair focus on the subjective reality.
One Sunday, I brought up the idea of going to one of the local fairs as a family to my husband.
His instant respons was to say he didn't like that fair and didn't want to go.
His response hurt my feelings. I wasn't sure why it hurt so I took some time to figure it out for myself.
Once I knew why it hurt my feelings, I sat down and talked about it with him.
I told him that I felt like I didn't have influence and power in the family decisions sometimes.
He focused on explaining why he preferred one fair over the other.
The conflict wasn't about the fair-I could care less what fair we went to.
The conflict was about my subjective experience with him.
Once he understood that, he was able to understand and empathize with me.
These types of conflicts happen all the time in our marriages.
To heal and repair, you have to focus on the emotional experience of the conflict-not the context of the conflict.
You will find more healing and repair when you do that.
Sometimes it's hard to do this on your own which is why you may need some outside support.
If you can relate and you are stuck in conflict, it is time to get help.
Reach out today for a free 20-minute phone consultation.